on trust

Here’s what I’m quickly discovering. When you plan to sell your home and build a 200 square foot tiny home on wheels, there are far more questions than answers. I don’t know exactly where I’ll build it. I don’t know exactly where I’ll park it. I don’t know quite what I’m going to do about sewage and gray water, although I have some ideas.. I haven’t ever designed and built a home from scratch before, so there are a lot of questions there. I have no idea how to put an electrical system in a home. I don’t even know what verb to use in that sentence, actually. Will I install an electrical system? Lay one? Rig it? I don’t know. I don’t know exactly what’s involved in putting plumbing in my tiny house. I’m not sure how long I’ll live in it full time before I’m able to buy a tract of land and build my little cottage.

Yet.

I don’t know, yet.

If you’ve ever stood in front of a group of people and delivered any kind of lesson, speech, or other presentation where you weren’t working from a script you’ll understand this. Teachers of all kinds, preachers, public speakers, workshop leaders, training facilitators you’ll all understand. You know that thing where your mouth is moving and what you’re saying is pretty good, but you’re not entirely sure where it came from because you weren’t planning on saying it? Well, that’s happened in my yoga classes twice today. Sometimes we get these downloads from God and the right words just land with us. That happened for me today when, without my prompting them, the words, “Can you trust yourself, and choose to keep moving forward, when you don’t have all the information you think you need?” came out of my mouth as I led a small group of yogis through a self trust exercise where we flow through several sun salutations with our eyes closed. Something happens when your focus is turned completely inward and you have to trust that your hands and feet will land where they’re supposed to land, that your body knows what it’s doing, that you can trust yourself to move through these postures without seeing them. You feel things that you wouldn’t be aware of if you were looking around the room. You can soften into a pose and feel exactly what’s happening in your hips, your shoulders, because your gaze is focused on the inside of your body. You can feel energy rise up from your feet, feel your belly expand and lift as you breathe,  sense the strengthening of your body in a more acute way when you’re not looking at your neighbor’s great pants/top/shoulders/ass… The fact that your shirt is a little crumpled no longer becomes an excuse to get out of the pose because you can’t see it. That speck of dust on your mat won’t bother you because you can’t see it, either. I gave slow, deliberate instructions and asked that my yogis trust their skin and bones to do what they knew to do… and they did.

I needed that exercise, too. I needed that divine download. I needed to know that I can trust myself, here. Just like those brave yogis who moved and flowed without any visual information, without the comfort of seeing someone else do the moves, without anyone to mimic or follow… I can do this. I don’t have all the information I think I need. It’s unnerving to have more question marks than periods, honestly. I can’t see the steps right in front of me… but I can trust myself, here. I believe there is always a way, and I will learn what I need to know as I need to know it.

I signed all the documents today to officially list my house on the market, and there are still a lot of unknowns. I don’t know what this is going to look like, exactly, but I don’t have to. I trust the community I’m joining. I trust they’ll help and share and hold me up. I trust my dad to work with me on this project and I know that we’ll build something strong and beautiful. I trust my friends and family to walk with me through this crazy adventure, and encourage and support me as I go. I trust that this new way of living will create financial freedom, sustainability, and set my life up to say “YES!” to opportunity and adventure. I trust that even though I can’t see the steps, they’re right in front of me. I trust that my hands and feet will land exactly where they’re supposed to land.

What’s your thing? Is there an adventure/a project/a life change/ a relationship, anything at all that you know in your gut you need to make a move on, but you don’t feel like you have all the information? Trust your heart. Trust your hands and feet to do what they’re supposed to do. Trust that your life has been preparing you to move in the right direction, and your intuition will show you just what you need. What are you waiting for?

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3 Comments on “on trust

  1. We get it. We are in that place ourselves right now. It seems right but we too have more questions than answers. We seem to be sharing the load right now, bouncing back and forth on who is responsible to ask the next question. , and trusting our instincts as we look for a way to be a couple in a world full of the wrong questions for us. I personally find that people on this path are very open to sharing their experiences, that makes me feel good. Best of Luck on your journey. Derrick and Lisa

    • Thank you guys so much for the comment! Sorry it took me a while to get back to you. I’m thankful to know there are so many of us- even if we’re scattered- on this journey together!

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