“Know thyself, yogis.”
I say this in my yoga classes, a lot. The wisdom is ancient and practicing it in your modern life means acknowledging your strengths and also possessing the self awareness to call out your own bullshit. For me, this means recognizing that the time I spend on Facebook every day is detrimental to my creative and productive self. It means saying, out loud, that I am shit with self control and spend far too much time every day scrolling through my feed. At this point, hitting the FB pipe comes from a place of lack. I get on Facebook because some part of me is unsatisfied with the reality of the moment I am actually living. It comes from a place of addiction. When I get likes, comments, or shares because I’ve been clever on Facebook my brain gives me a chemical reward not unlike what would happen if I’d taken a bump of cocaine. It comes from a place of procrastination, which is really just fear dressed up. I get on Facebook to distract myself from doing the real work of living, writing, and creating. There is a terrified demon in my head, and she can be a real controlling bitch. Here is a sample of a conversation we have on the reg.
Me: You’re really on to something, here. You have everything it takes to create the life you want, to build this blog, to write well, to meet the people who will collaborate with you. You can do this.
Evil Demon: But it’s so far away, and you’re going to have to do a lot of work to get there. Besides, you’re not technically qualified to do anything other than tell stories, teach yoga, and talk into a microphone. You have nothing original to offer. People will call you a hack, and then you would have done all of that work for nothing.
Me: You know I can see you, right, evil demon?
ED: You know what else you should see? What everyone in the world is up to on Facebook. Just check it out.
Me: Oh, yeah, you’re right. That’s easy. I’ll just look and see what everyone is up to, this afternoon. FUN!
ED: You should respond to that prick and his pro-gun whining, for sure. What an idiot. “Obama is trying to steal my guns… blah, blah, freakin blah.” What a damn charmer. Someone married that asshole. I feel so bad for her. Someone else shared that Kardashian picture AGAIN?! She is a giant toddler with giant boobs and a tiny brain and I want her to go away forever. Aw, look at those pretty engagement photos! Remember how that last guy you dated ended up being such a colossal wang? Ugh, he does look good in that profile pic, though. That baby laughing at that dog is hilarious. Watch that again, that made you feel happy. You know what else makes you happy? YouTube videos of pregnancy announcements. Go check that out. You’re gonna laugh so hard and you’ll completely forget about the pro-gun prick and the giant toddler. You know what? First you should post something about Donald Trump and see if the fundies get their panties twisted up. You need a good reminder of why you don’t hang out with them, anyways.
Me: Oh my God. I’ve been at this for 2 hours. I hate you, Evil Demon. Go away, forever.
ED: You’re supposed to be a yoga instructor. Way be non-reactive and mindful, teach. You’re really crushing it.
Me: Shut up. I hate you. I’m going to get on Instagram to distract myself from how much I hate you.
ED: You realize that means I win, right?
AND IT NEVER ENDS.
Knowing myself means that if I’m going to do all I want to do with the creativity welling up lately, I have to give the Evil Demon less material to work with. For me, that means taking at least a month off Facebook. If I spent half the time in structured productivity that I spend scrolling through bullshit online, I would feel so much more fulfilled and create such better work.
For these reasons and a few others, I’m taking a break from the Book. If you need to get in touch, I’ve posted my email address and will be corresponding that way. You can also call me and we can go to coffee, as I’m a huge fun of actual face to face time.
I’ll almost certainly be back. Hopefully, with lots of new content and material for you guys. Until then, catch me here on the blog or at Ugly Muggs drinking tea and throwing down cronuts like it’s my damn job.